Song: You Ain’t No Muslim Bruv

Stella has just sent us her take on the heckle heard around the world. It made us giggle… and like all of her stuff, we’ll keep putting it online until she gets us sued (at which point we’ll just stand on a street corner with a speaker).   … [Read more...]

Tabloid Bingo or: How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the News

We sifted through the papers for something to lampoon But this week was rather serious Lots of doom and gloom So with a deadline looming and nothing good to write We played our favourite tabloid game, of bingo… it’s alright A spot of prevarication rarely steers you wrong So we started out with Glastonbury as that’s an easy one We gathered up the stories, from the red tops and the black Certain of the most used words, that scourge the “hippy crack” … [Read more...]

Brum Documentary from Kathryn & Nick

When we set out to make this documentary in the spring of 2014, we had a pretty good idea how it was going to go. But by the time we finished in autumn, it had turned into something completely different. Instead of making a thought provoking piece on the complex relationship between the arts and the political left… we accidentally made a documentary about Birmingham. This half hour documentary includes interviews with artists such as playwright, David Edgar and folk singer, Harvey Andrews, along with insight from the BBC, the Rep Theatre and cast of other individuals and organisations on the ground. It even features a rather bonkers new comic song, “Brum Brumany”, to the tune of the chimney sweep song from Mary Poppins… done in an appalling Brummie accent.   First published on Searchlight Magazine Arts... … [Read more...]

Song: Don’t be Snooty with the Kenyans

If there is one thing guaranteed to rile our Stella it is the patronising British attitude to the ‘Africans’. “Africa is a continent… not a bloody country!” she begins to wail to ultra-middle-class golf club types up who momentarily glance at their shoes before going back to bragging and brandishing upon the fine exploits of young, trainee doctor, Tarquin. “It is not just a holiday park for your grown up kids to go bungee jumping while pretending to build hospitals…!” she rushes on, two feet firmly planted on the floor and hands on hips. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to discover that one has caused quite a lot of offense in the past. Absolutely the world is Tarquin’s playground? But never deterred she always continues: “The colonial age was supposed to have died decades ago…” Eventually she got so incensed by the whole obnoxious attitude she decided to write a song in praise of Kenyan tech innovation.  She even took her inspiration from Mr Colonial himself, Noel Coward. … [Read more...]

Song: Protest Singer by Stella & the Wailers

We first met Stella at a very, very dull event a few years ago. She was carrying a guitar and looking as bored as we were, so we pounced over for a chat. Within a few minutes she was belting out a tongue-in-cheek explanation of what she did, and she’s been our go to singer of amusing songs ever since. Most of the time she’s trying to put a serious point across... But sometimes, she just enjoys being silly.   Protest Singer by Stella & the Wailers Music credit: Elkie Brooks Protest Singer you’ll stand up when I play, it’s demanded On the front line Protest singer I write songs that poke fun at the bigots My job is shining light on them Causing lots of grand mayhem On the front line Protest singer Standing up for the weak and the weary On the front line Protest singer I sing songs about the bent and the bloated “We’ll bloody sue you!” they bellow But I tell them where to go On the front line … [Read more...]

Song: Keep the Searchlight Shining

For the 50th Anniversary of Searchlight Magazine, we collaborated with our go-to singer, Stella, to commemorate the occasion. Whilst its first public performance wasn’t exactly a success (we forgot to bring Stella with us. Seriously. This is not a joke), the song’s an absolute belter.   Keep the Searchlight Shining Music credit: Ivor Novello It was May 1964 And the country was distracted By revving bikes and beardy types; and How mainstream press reacted But a current bubbled under Of 'wogs' V. pure whitey blood By the time Enoch made his speech We'd spent four years exposing crud   Keep the Searchlight Shining 50 years headlining A hunt revealing the far right In your home town Angry hatred's creeping But our beams are sweeping We seek world news and bring you proof Pens wear bullies down   … [Read more...]

Greg Goode’s Political Diaries: The Rise of the Bee

The Outlandish World of Greg Goode Part VIX Rising plucky from our seats before the gathered throng We addressed the noble 56 who governed true and strong Mike articulated gamely, his speech was just sublime The Leader of the Council barked, “Now is not the time.” “I questioned you in writing, please let me have the floor…” Before Mike Franks could finish, we were marched right out the door “Do not be disheartened,” the beeman grinned at me “For this bunch have got nothing on my darling old MP.” So we hit the office of the local Tory blue And although she nodded sweetly, the Member had no clue Mike appealed with feeling: “You can’t allow this crime.” “My bees are in grave danger from this fracking pantomime…” “I’m sorry,” said the lady, “But we’ve run right out of time.” “Told you so,” said Mr Franks, “Nobody’s for the bee.” “Come come,” I ventured, “That’s not true, they’ve got you and me.” “And more than that I’ll wager,” I said, warming to my theme “This is … [Read more...]

Christmas Song: “Can You Stop the Carvery?”

Brave Little Turkey Launches Heartfelt Christmas Appeal Somewhere in Norfolk a brave little turkey managed to smuggle out a recording detailing exactly what she wants for Christmas. We don’t know if this plucky old bird made it out with her tape… but wherever she is, we salute her courage and decided to use it to try and do some good (we also hope she isn’t too offended by the terrible video we made for it). Any proceeds go to Medicine Sans Frontier UK Buy it on iTunes Buy it on Google Play Hate the song and want to donate to MSF UK directly? Click here... … [Read more...]

Greg Goode’s Political Diaries: My Epic Quest

The Outlandish World of Greg Goode Part VIII With inspired fervour I cast out my net And snared a great horde of potentials to vet The journey that followed was completely unplanned And it feels like I’ve travelled every road in this land I met a Brummie in Bracknell who thought he was Jesus A roofer in Rugeley enticed me with cheeses Two sisters in Stafford had planned a new town… But only for white folk, no place for the brown There’s a lady in Leicester who eats lots of glass “It’s political art,” she said with a laugh An old chap in Perth jogs round naked at night It’s nice that he’s happy, but I can’t join his fight Now, it sounds like my process of sifting is flawed But there was no hint of loopy till I knocked on their doors Though their mails were all normal and their claims were serene They were the maddest collection of bonkers I’ve seen But I was not disheartened as I criss-crossed this land With a dream in my heart and mead cup in hand I knew I must … [Read more...]

Greg Goode’s Political Diaries: Tramping the Halls of Westminster

The Outlandish World of Greg Goode Part VII “Ed,” sang the high pitched female voice emerging briskly from the second set of security gates which separated the public from the tree-lined interior of Portcullis House. “Anyone for Ed… Miliband?” she continued, her voice starting sing-song, but getting steadily flatter as her request barely raised a glance from the hot, gathered throng. This was Wednesday. I had grudgingly removed my shoes and belt to pass through the airport-style security and enter the open-plan holding pen at the Palace of Westminster’s more modern annexe. Here I had dutifully handed in my name and joined the crowds of waiting guests who, like me, all needed collecting by the aides, secretaries and interns who busily swept in and out, announcing their respective political personages and chaperoning guests into the seat of power. “Ed Miliband,” called the girl, by now sadly, as she pushed her way through the bored yet expectant herd: “Ed Milieeeeeband…” … [Read more...]