After seeing Nick Griffin branching out into Fanny Craddock territory… we couldn’t help be struck by what a great job he did. All the bases were covered for his demographic: homely practical advice, good old fashioned platitudes and casual racism. All budgets were accounted for… although his kitchen may have been a tad opulent (Perhaps there will be a Bedsit Baking or Squat Soufflé coming soon though?).
However, we were intrigued, and we did wonder if anything similar had been done in the past. Our subsequent searches returned some pretty interesting findings:
Spanish Summer Fashion
By Torquemada
First Published in the Seville Chronicle ~ July 1492
This season is all about moderation… and with a wide range of new debutantes coming through, it’s important not to get dragged down by last year’s garments.
Frocks, scapulars and gowns are in, however, I do recommend plain white for the more traditional members of the community. But for those with a more adventurous nature, get busy with a stunning yellow or daring black decorated with warming flame patterns or sensational dragons… trust me, these will be huge this term.
If you don’t think you’ve gone far enough, and really want to stand out (who doesn’t, after all), why not accessorise with a fetching conical cap? Bootlace neckties are also set to be a big draw this season… and if you’re looking to dance in the darkness by the light of the full moon, yellow wax candles are an absolute must.
Rave on!
Emperor Nero Offers Budget Party Tips at Golden Palace
By Giovanna Angelino
First Published in Roman Digest ~ September 64AD
The plebs have been in uproar today as the Emperor Nero conducted his first cheap-party-lesson at his Golden Palace. From his balcony, this morning, Nero explained his easy money saving tips for soirées at home. “Everyone’s budgets have been stretched since Rome burned,” he proclaimed “but there is no reason why this simple advice shouldn’t help you all out.”
Through the course of the day, with the aid of slave demonstrators, Nero described how there was no need for fancy stuff like “live birds sown inside a pig” and advised that “honest Roman” fish sauce could lift any function. He praised simple hearty food like of bread dipped in wine and added: “If porridge is good enough for our boys abroad, it should be good enough for us at home.”
The crowd, who expected the Emperor’s usual display of opulence, spent the afternoon rampaging through the great park, tearing things apart and defecating in bushes.
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